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Dear {NAME OF RECIPIENT:8},
You’re actually doing it; you’re {REASON WHY YOU’RE CELEBRATING:9}! Whoever thought {FUNNY NAME TO CALL SOMEONE:11} like you would ever lockdown {NAME OF BRIDE TO BE:14}… HA! Proud of you, my friend. Enjoy getting only one {A SEXUAL PART OR SEXUAL ACTIVITY:15} for the rest of your life! Hopefully this Funny Bonz Card™ will help make up for it!
Now that the congratulations are out of the way, let’s get down to what’s most important… the jackassery that is the bachelor party! I don’t think you’re ready for what’s about to go down. You’re probably not going to remember it, but I’ll be sure to take some pics if you {A LOVING ACTION:20} four {AN ANIMAL ENDING IN S:22} in a chariot, {A VIOLENT ACTION:17} seven {AN IMAGINARY CREATURE ENDING IN S:24} on a street corner, or {A SEXUAL ACTION:25} {NAME OF A CELEBRITY:28}. I’m sure things are going to get weird…
So now, it’s time to put your big boy pants on, {FUNNY NAME TO CALL RECIPIENT:27}; we’re sending you off with a BANG - and maybe a few permanent marks… and maybe something that you may need an ointment for.
Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, and fingers crossed to you not dying at your bachelor party!
Cheers!
{YOUR NAME/WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO BE CALLED:61}
P.S.
{JUST IN CASE YOUR CARD IS A LITTLE “RUFF”, FEEL FREE TO THROW THEM A BONE WITH A PERSONAL MESSAGE!:71}
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