 | Hey, {NAME OF RECIPIENT:8}!
So… let’s talk about ‘Merica. You know, this sweet home of ours that’s about to celebrate Her independence. She’s pretty much been the most bad-ass country for the past {A LARGE NUMBER:9} years now – know what I mean? That’s why I’m sending you this Funny Bonz Card™ to help you celebrate while you drink {A FUNKY LIQUID:11} and ride {AN ANIMAL ENDING IN (S) AND A CRAZY ACTIVITY:14} without anyone bothering you. Now that’s FREEDOM!
All I know is {NAME OF A CELELEBRITY:15} didn’t give that speech about {A STRANGE ACTIVITY:20} for no reason! It was about our freedom, our independence, and our right to {A RANDOM/CRAZY ACTIVITY:22} in {A STRANGE LOCATION:17} anytime we want to! You know why? No… not just Freedom, my friend (although that’s true) but also because… well… ‘Merica!
So, let it be said, on this special occasion that the stars and stripes of our glorious flag will wave on this 4th of July and ever more! Because We The People will forever be free to {A RANDOM/CRAZY ACTIVITY:24} with our friends and family while Lady Liberty looks on with pride!
Now go throw some burgers and ‘dogs on the grill, crack open a can of {A WEIRD LIQUID TO DRINK:25} and throw it back; shoot some fireworks at your friend’s {A FUNNY OR CRUDE BODY PART:28} while you’re at it… This is ‘Merica after all!
Happy Independence Day!
{YOUR NAME/WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO BE CALLED:27}
P.S.
{JUST IN CASE YOUR CARD IS A LITTLE “RUFF”, FEEL FREE TO THROW THEM A BONE WITH A PERSONAL MESSAGE!:71} |
