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Dear {NAME OF RECIPIENT (S):8},
Congratulations on the birth of {BABY NAME:9}! I am so happy and excited to celebrate this wonderful occasion with you! I mean, what other time in your life do all your family and friends celebrate the fact that you got laid? But look at what all that grunting and sweating got you - well done! That’s why I’m sending you this Funny Bonz Card™ to share in the celebration!
You have so much to look forward to in the months and years ahead. Sure, you’ll be a walking zombie for a while, and there’ll be projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea that smells like {SOMETHING RANCID:11}, and not to mention hours on end singing that {MADE UP CRAZY LULLABY NAME:14} lullaby. But there’ll be super-sweet moments too; like hearing their first word. Odds are if they’re anything like {NAME OF RELATIVE OR FRIEND:15}, their first word will be {FUNNY/MADE UP CURSE WORD:20}! There will be so many other awesome things you’ll teach them too: like how to {RANDOM ACTIVITY:22}, {CRAZY/SILLY ACTIVITY:17}, and since you’re so good at {CRAZY/SILLY ACTIVITY:24}, you have to pass that wisdom on, for sure!
So again, congratulations – and remember, if you ever need a babysitter… I’m busy that night. Just kidding; I’d be happy to sit on that little angel, anytime. I already know the most important rule - don’t drop the baby, and don’t feed it after midnight – or something like that…
With love and best wishes,
{YOUR NAME/WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO BE CALLED:25}
P.S.
{JUST IN CASE YOUR CARD IS A LITTLE “RUFF”, FEEL FREE TO THROW THEM A BONE WITH A PERSONAL MESSAGE!:71}
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