My Dearest {NAME OF RECIPIENT:8},
I had an amazing dream about your {BODY PART:9} last night and it really made me so excited thinking about you touching my {BODY PART:11}. You are so wonderful and I cannot imagine my life without you. You truly deserve the best of my {BODY PART:14} and my {INFECTION/ DISEASE:15}.
How lucky are we to have met each other {A LARGE NUMBER:20} years ago at that {SCARY PLACE:22} in {STRANGE LOCATION:17}? What are the odds, right? Must be true love!
So I’m giving you this Funny Bonz Card™ to let you know that I think of you {A LARGE NUMBER:24} times a day, but I only touch myself half those times. You really are SO AMAZING!. You’re not only the icing on my cake and the cherry on my sundae, you’re also the {BODILY FLUID:25} on my {FOOD ITEM:28}!
I miss you so much, my sweet little {OFFENSIVE NAME TO CALL SOMEONE:27}!
All my {NAME OF GENITAL PART / LOVING ACTION:60},
{YOUR NAME / WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO BE CALLED:61}
P.S.
{JUST IN CASE YOUR CARD IS A LITTLE “RUFF”, FEEL FREE TO THROW THEM A BONE WITH A PERSONAL MESSAGE!:85}
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